Joseph's Guide to Calming Crazy and Keeping Peace in the Marriage

When the wife is upset because of the dishes in the sink, stay calm. There is a sure-fire way to handle the situation.

First, immediately get up and start washing the dishes. Look repentant. Pause in the dishwashing to look into her eyes to offer a heartfelt apology. Make sure your eyes are in the appropriate puppy-dog position. Lean in for a kiss. When she offers you one with pursed, still slightly mad lips, lean back and give her a hurt look, maintaining the puppy dog eyes. Make sure your hurt look clearly conveys that you understand that it's all your fault or the hurt look will backfire. (You may want to practice this look in the mirror - it's a mixture of shame.) Listen to her as she grumbles about always doing the dishes and how she isn't your mother. Nod in sympathy. Bring up something nice that you've recently done. Watch as she tries to suppress a smile and narrows her eyes. Apologize for being a bad husband. Make sure to call her "Pretty Girl" or "Baby Girl." Watch as she tries to hold onto her anger. Her anger is getting slippery and she can't maintain the same grasp. Watch as she sighs, and says you aren't a bad husband. You're actually a pretty amazing husband. Smile at her like she has just offered you the best compliment in the world. Cock your head to the side so that she can see your dimple. When she flashes you a half smile and says that she appreciates you coming to wash the dishes, know that your work is done and you are forgiven. In about two minutes she's going to smile and give you a hug.

Leave some of the dishes "to soak." Two days later, when the wife is upset about the "soaking" dishes that still haven't been washed, repeat the above strategy. This time, you're going to have to offer a present.

The Happenings

When J first started working from home a few years ago, he told me he wanted a sit-stand desk. It's a desk that you can push a button to raise or lower, so that you can (wait for it)...sit or stand while working. I looked up prices, saw that it was pretty expensive, and told him that if he felt the need to stand he should just go take a walk.

I recently read an article about a man who worked from home and sat at a desk all day. He was a gamer, so he continued to sit after work was over too. So basically J. The man in the article ended up getting a blood clot in his leg. He described, in excruciating detail, the medical problems he experienced and continued to experience years later, including still walking with a limp.

I texted J and told him we were getting him a sit-stand desk.

Ironically, I had just seen a sit-stand desk at Ikea that was fairly affordable. So the universe aligned.

First we had to get rid of our monstrous desk. Remember the monster (blog here)? I put it on Craigslist, thinking that a six foot long desk has a pretty limited, niche market, so it might take awhile to sell.

I got an email at 10:00 the next night. The guy wanted to know what time he could come over the next day.

So we got the desk out of the house the same way we got it in - through the window. At 10:00 at night. That's always fun.

The next day was Friday and I had to work. J texted me and told me that the guy was on his way over when I was out to lunch with a coworker. He was supposed to text me when the guy left. After about 20 minutes without a text, I was starting to get nervous. My coworker, Laura, understands that I can be neurotic about things. Like the fact that this Craigslist murder was at my house right now and my husband was in danger.

She very helpfully offered to drive by my house (we don't live far from work at all).

I thought it would be awkward to just walk up out of nowhere, so we did the next logical thing.

We did a stake-out.

We parked down the street and watched. Since the desk was in the garage, we could see everything. I had a rather good time. The fact that J was alive and well put me in a very good mood.

The guy bought the desk and left. After he stood around talking, obviously flirting with J. He did the leaning thing. Laura saw it too. I really didn't blame him; J is a very attractive man. When he flashes his dimple-grin at you, say good-bye to your knees.

After I got off work we took my Mom and Dad out to dinner as a thank you, since my Dad (appropriately named Mr. Wonderful by my Mom) helped me replace my shocks and brakes.

Side note - the broken bolt ended up being a very good thing. My Dad did take Marcus the truck to the next door mechanic, and when he started working on my truck he noticed other issues that needed to be addressed. Normally I would be suspicious of a mechanic who told me I needed additional work done, but my Dad knows about that stuff and looked at my engine when it was taken apart and agreed with the mechanic. One of the issues could have put coolant in my engine oil which would have wrecked my engine, so I am very glad the bolt snapped. It took two weeks to get my truck back, but I can tell it drives so much better now. The guy did a really good job, and because he works out of his house, it was pretty cheap.

After dinner, we went to our neighbor's house. She had come over while I was at work and asked J what kind of vine we had in our front yard because it was very pretty. I'm pretty sure that was just a distracting compliment, because then she asked J if he knew anything about computers and would he be willing to take a look at hers. J was able to fix her computer, and she was so happy she teared up a little and told us thank you at least five times. Then gave us some strawberry bread and we went home.

The next day we hung out with one of the kids we're mentoring, ran some errands, trimmed a bush, washed my truck, and then hung out with Brian and Katelyn.

I have missed this little family. It helps that we like each others' children.

Osa is in heat. She has been clingy. I wonder if she doesn't feel good, like I don't when I'm on my period.

Sunday we went to a friends' surprise birthday party and then to Sunday night dinner at my family's house.

One day at work a coworker brought donuts. I got a donut for myself and one for J. My coworker (we shall call him Bruce), came up and told me he was going to take a bite of J's donut. I told him not to, that the donut was for J, and he could have a bite of the other donut because it was mine.
Bruce: You got a donut for J?
Me: Yes. He likes donuts and I like him.
Bruce (shook his head): If you were only single.
I texted J and told him about the exchange and then I told him I am a treasure.

Tuesday after work I was sitting watching TV and J was on his computer working. The power went out for three seconds. I don't know why; it wasn't storming. I continued watching TV and J continued working...or so I thought. It wasn't until awhile later that I got up to tell him a story. I was almost done with my story when I noticed he was really stressed out. I asked him what was wrong. When the power went out it shut off his computer and he was having problems accessing his work, which he keeps on a virtual machine. The worst part was that it shouldn't have happened. When his computer was on the desk in the office, it was plugged into a surge protector that doubles as a battery. If the power goes out, the computer is still powered by the battery and he would have had time to properly shut it down. But we hadn't bought a new desk yet, so he was temporarily set up at the kitchen table and didn't have his battery-surge protector.

Luckily he figured it out, but it took him a few extra hours. He's going to have to re-write code that wasn't backed up and do some other things that sounded a bit complicated, but it wasn't too large of a catastrophe.

The good news is that I've solved his cat problems. Lilly likes to walk across his keyboard and make trouble. I told J to put a box on the table. He didn't believe me.

He's still in shock that it worked.

The Backyard

Our backyard is not very pretty right now. Phoenix got a ton of rain this summer. I just asked J, who measures it (I'm not joking, he has a measuring thing and he tracks it on this website and it's official) and we got 6.2 inches in a few week span. That's over half our annual rainfall. And we live in a desert.

Have I mentioned that I hate the rain?

You know what the rain brings? Weeds. Mosquitoes. 

J wanted to rent a rototiller so he could plant a lawn. A clover lawn. I didn't really want to pay the money to rent one and I didn't want to go through the hassle of loading it into my truck, dragging it to the house, lugging it out of my truck, just to load it back up and return it, all within a tiny window so that I could get the cheaper rate.

My back hurt just thinking about that.

I told J I knew of a tool we could buy. 

He was understandably skeptical. We had a large area to cover.

I got it done in just a few hours, spread out over three days. I had a system. You have to space out where you dig with the tool - don't just go in a line and tear it up right next to the last hole. Space it out, and then the un-touched areas are easier. Also, twisting while pushing down makes things easier.

Do you see the weeds that are as large as bushes over to the left? Those were in the whole yard. So before I even started tearing it up with my tool, we had to take care of the weeds.

We also bought a bunch of pavers and blocks. J originally just wanted one row of blocks for a circular wall he's going to build; he needed to know where to plant the grass, so he wanted one row to judge the space. When we bought the one row, it turned out they were on sale (not marked - I hate when they do that). I figured out that if we bought all the bricks now, we could save $80. The wall bricks alternate large and small, and the large ones weigh 65 pounds. So when I started thinking about loading those onto a cart, loading them into my truck, and unloading them from my truck, I started wondering how much it would cost to have Lowe's deliver. Then once I quoted that, I wondered if it was a flat rate or if you could just have a ton of stuff delivered.

Turns out it goes up after a certain amount, but I bought the rest of the wall and all of the pavers and saved money. We just had to get the top bricks to finish the wall and that wasn't bad at all.

So we have some projects going on, but the clover lawn is coming in.

Truck Maintenance

My Dad can do anything.

I'm not even exaggerating.

So when the oil change place told me I needed new shocks and that they charge $500 - 550, I thought hmmmm. Let me talk to mi Padre. Oil change guy also told me I needed new brakes, a transmission flush, and certain other things, but I decided I would just bug my Dad about the brakes and shocks.

So on Saturday I drove to my parents' house and got dirty.

The front of my truck has rotor brakes and the back has drum.

Drum brakes are of the devil.

This isn't what my disc brakes look like. My hands were covered in grease so I wasn't taking any photos. This is some other poor person's brakes. Do you see the million little springs and such? Do you know what a pain that is taking that apart, remembering where everything goes, and then trying to put it back on? There's also a metal piece you have to disconnect from the old shoe that requires prying off a horseshoe clip (quite tricky) and the re-attaching the metal piece correctly to the new shoe. Luckily, my Dad can do anything.

My Mom took this photo and posted it on FB. She was very creative. I was hesitant about taking a photo because I really needed to wash my hair. So she took one while I was putting on the back brake pads.

 The shocks were actually pretty easy. The front had three bolts and the back had two. I had really gained confidence by the time we moved to the back and I was tightening the bolt, thinking, "Oh yeah, I can do this, the next time I bet I could just change my shocks by myself and not even bug my Dad."

And that's when the bolt snapped.

It is always fun discovering new super hero powers, but the timing just wasn't great.

You can't see it very well in the picture, but I have a bruise that's bigger than a dollar coin. It doesn't hurt too bad. I'm more upset about the fact that there is a broken bolt. My Dad said he was going to see if he could take care of it. If not, the guy next door is a mechanic. He was going to see about getting me a quote for the transmission flush and other stuff.

So Dad let me borrow his (very large monster) truck and I got my stuff together to drive home. We had washed our extremely greasy hands with the hose and that special orange cleaner. Dad said I should go wash my face. I said I was heading home and I wouldn't see anyone, I'd wash it in the shower.

Joseph's niece's birthday was in a couple hours and I still had to shower then we had to drive to Gilbert.

I was stopped at a red light and gave a homeless guy some money. Judging from his expression, I should have washed my face.

A Day with J

I told J I wanted some Sprinkles Cupcakes. But it's a bit of a drive and you kind of need a reason to drive out there. So he said we could go shopping.

Best. Idea. Ever.

It was a nice day of just wandering around. I did not find a rug for my living room (I'm "redecorating" but it's really getting nowhere) but we did get some tennis balls for the little dog. And we did have some interesting conversations.

J: Except for that one girl. You know...that one girl...
Me: Jennifer Lawrence?
J: Yes!
Me: Why did I know that? You gave no clues.

****

Me: Oh look, mushrooms. (I love the little garden decorations.)
J: Do you like those because they look like penises?
Me:....I think you have ruined mushrooms for me.

****

Me: One of the rugs I'm looking at is jute, and I'm worried it will be rough. Do you know what jute is?
J: *scoffing* Of course I know what jute is. It's in one of my games, I use it as a building material....I just didn't realize it was real.

Loose Leash Walking

J and I thought it would be a good idea for little Osa to go to school.

Are you worried I'm a little crazy? Who puts a bow in her dog's hair? This photo is a joke. Mostly. All my friends have been posting about their kids going to school, so I thought I would get into the spirit of things. It's only like 30% serious. Plus I love it because I was just trying to get a picture of Osa but Micah didn't want to be left out.

A couple of the things they taught in class my brilliant little Osa already knew. We already taught her how to sit, stay, and I can put a treat on the floor and she won't eat it until I tell her it's ok. Sometimes I can even put it on her paw. When I put the treat on her paw, she looks away, like she can't stand the temptation.

One thing that was really, really helpful in the training class was the instruction for loose leash walking.

As soon as we clip on the leash and open the front door, Osa is tugging at that leash and trying to run. She looks like when Scooby Doo does that run but he stays in one spot.

I wish we would have taken a video. It was crazy to watch. And she made these little squeaking noises because she was trying to choke herself.

But loose leash training works if you're consistent. The trainer owns a 190 pound dog and he said a child can walk his dog with a pinky finger. Here's how to do it.

You should use a harness, not a collar. Collars are really only intended for IDs. Harnesses won't damage their windpipe. Get a harness where you can clip the leash to the FRONT. If you clip it to the back, the dog has great traction to try to drag you. If you clip the leash to the front, then when your dog tries to drag you, she gets pulled around.

The trainer had us take our dogs out into the store and walk the aisles. The trick is to let your dog walk as long as the leash is loose. As soon as the dog starts pulling, you plant your feet, stop, and say, "Uh uh" which acts as a correction to the dog. As soon as the dog stops pulling, then start walking and say, "Let's go!" If the dog starts pulling, immediately stop and repeat. One trick that was useful (because Osa is a HUGE puller) is changing direction. Don't let the dog tell you where to go. The trainer said, "It's your walk, the dog just gets to come with you. Don't let your dog be in control."

It was amusing, because the trainer always demonstrates with our dogs first and then let's us try. He said not to be surprised if he could control our dogs better than we could. As soon as he took Osa's leash and told her, "Let's go!" she was off like a rocket, trying to pull him along. He looked at us and asked if she always behaved like that. Uh, yes. After awhile she started to get the hang of it, but he warned it would be different outside than in the store.

We've practiced and practiced and it's taken a few days. Our first practice at home on our street it took ten minutes just to get down the driveway. Consistency is key, and we also learned something else. Osa doesn't like it when Micah (our old man dog) is in front. She will pull and pull until she gets in front, and then she starts behaving.

So we're working on it, slowly and surely. I've seen improvement but I'm not ready to consider her completely trained. But I am excited that it's working.

Bahamas Birthday Cruise

I told J I wanted to go on a fun trip for my 30th birthday. I didn't really care where, just as long as there was a warm beach. We booked a cruise to the Bahamas.

In preparation for our cruise, I had been making a list for a few days, jotting down things as I remembered them, making sure I didn’t miss anything. A couple people told me not to worry about it; if we forgot anything we could always buy it on our trip. Two days before we were scheduled to leave I was walking into work and I had a jolt – I almost forgot our passports! What a horrible, terrible thing that would have been. We could have got on the plane with our driver’s licenses, but we could not have boarded the ship without our passports. And I don’t know the “correct type” of people to buy one last minute, so…it’s lucky I thought of it. Major crisis averted.

Sunday: 

We flew into Miami and took an Uber ride to our hotel, since our ship didn't leave until the next day. We stayed at Harrison Hotel; I was worried because some of the reviews said it was old and smelled funny. It was older, but it had charm and was quirky. It didn’t smell. 

The entrance to the hotel was very nice.

Neither J nor I had drank enough water, so we ended up with a bit of a headache. That’s what I hate about traveling and staying in a hotel; I feel like I never have enough water. We walked to a little Italian restaurant where we were served by an authentic Italian, whose accent was so thick I had a little trouble understanding him. Joseph kept me quite entertained. 

Discussing the plane ride (there was a bit of turbulence and it frightened me, but J maintains that turbulence is no big deal):

Me: You can die on an airplane.

J: No you can’t.

Me: gives a Look.

J: Well, you can, but you don’t.

I noticed a table after the tablecloth was removed to be replaced:

Me: Oh look at that table! It looks really cool. I would leave it without a tablecloth.

J: It’s easier to clean with a tablecloth. You just take the tablecloth off and wash it.

Me: You can just wipe that down.

J: It would be hard with those little cracks.

Me: It’s my birthday and I’ll be right if I want to.

J: (Immediately agreeing, without a hint of sarcasm): Oh yes, that’s right, absolutely.

Monday - Miami:

We slept in, then walked down to the beach. 

 There was a really nice walking/biking path.

We grabbed some lunch and went back to our hotel to shower. The hotel was nice enough to push our check-out time back an hour, and it really made a difference. Then we caught another Uber ride to the dock to board the ship.

It took us awhile to check in. I had to sign something that said I hadn’t had any gastrointestinal issues and hadn’t experienced the flu, cough, etc. I actually had a cough, which had started out a sneezy cold, but no way was I going to cop to that and go (pay to) see the doctor. As a result, every time I coughed my flemy cough, I was a little paranoid I was going to be quarantined. 

After we boarded the ship we explored, found our room, and ate some food.

While we were exploring, we were at the back of the ship watching as it left the port, and we went through a doorway. I didn’t realize it had a really high threshold and I tripped, completely falling on my face. My feet were still on the other side of the threshold and the door was trying to close, so my shoes and toes were pinched in the door. It was humiliating. Luckily, there wasn’t anyone around. We had entered a room that was intended for nighttime entertainment, so it was empty. I was able to lie on the floor for awhile, waiting for the pain in my feet and knees to subside. Joseph tried to help me up but I told him to give me a minute. I was finally able to get up and hobble around. My clumsiness still amazes me.

When we went back to our room to check, our luggage had been delivered, so we unpacked, then went for a quick swim in one of the pools before dinner. For dinner we were seated at a large table with four other couples. It was a wonderful three course meal. 

One of the couples wasn't there for two of the nights, so I didn't get their picture.

My favorite is always the dessert. Because it was my birthday, J made everyone sing to me. It was embarrassing, but I got a chocolate cake in addition to my crème brûlée.

 I was so stuffed after dinner I felt a little sick, but I didn’t regret it at all. One of the couples we sat with (Josh and Julia) had been on 13 cruises and had a lot of advice for the different stops. Taking their advice, we made plans for Coco Cay and Key West but hadn’t quite decided about Nassau. After dinner we rushed to see the night show, which included a comedian who was able to make us laugh. 

This cruise was Royal Caribbean, and it was different from Carnival, our first cruise. It was definitely smaller, which may be why I could feel the ship moving.

Tuesday – Nassau: 

We didn’t set an alarm, so we slept in. We bought the cheapest room and there wasn't a window, so the sun didn’t wake us up. We had to scramble to get ready so that we could make breakfast before it closed. The timeframe for Nassau was from 7:30 in the morning until 11:30 at night, so we knew we had plenty of time. We hadn’t booked any excursions and were just planning on checking things out. When we got off the ship, we walked around a bit, but it was a large city and we weren’t really sure where to go. So we got back on the ship, asked guest services for advice, and were told that there was a free beach you could walk to, but people usually take a taxi over to Atlantis. The package to visit the waterpark was too expensive, so we automatically ruled that out, but he said the aquarium was $20 a person. I didn’t really want to spend $40 on an aquarium plus the money for a taxi, so I was thinking about just walking to the free beach, but J surprised me. He said we were going to take the taxi over and check out the aquarium. 

J is the kind of person who doesn't usually have a strong opinion. He is just a nice, go-with-the-flow person. When discussing what to have for dinner, our conversations used to look like this:

J: What do you want for dinner?

Me: I don’t know, what do you want?

J: I don’t know. Are you in the mood for anything?

Me: I could go for some [lists a few options]. 

J: OK.

Me: Well what do you think?

J: I’ll have whatever you want.

And it could go on for awhile. I finally just started making decisions. If J comes to me with two choices, or asks my opinion on something, I will just make a decision. I can not care about something at all, but I will just pick one to avoid the back and forth.

However, it’s a little different for vacations; it’s harder for me to be decisive. Too many choices. I’m also very frugal. I try to minimize spending money. So when J made up his mind that we were going to Atlantis and checking out the aquarium, I was surprised, and I went with it.

I kind of liked it.

We got off the ship. J realized neither one of us had a credit card. I am so glad he thought of that, because it ended up being important later. So he got back on the ship (for the second time), grabbed the credit card, and off we went.

The taxis were $4/person. As we were walking to the taxi, it was just me and J. The driver said he was going to have to charge us extra because it was just us two; if he could pick up two other people, then we could have the $4/person charge. I started getting a little nervous. I hate negotiating. You really don’t negotiate in the US and that’s how I like it dangit. Well J got really firm with the guy. J said, “The sign said $4 per person.” The taxi driver said that was the group rate. J repeated that that is what the sign said. The taxi driver said if he could pick up two other people, then we could have the “group rate.” J said, in a tone that indicated it wasn’t up for debate, “I’ll give you $10.”

I kind of liked it.

I did partially feel bad for the guy. I can see how he needs to maximize the number of people he takes out there in one drive. But it also wasn’t our fault. Luckily, he was able to pick up three other people, so it didn’t end up being an issue.

We got to Atlantis, and realized the guest services guy didn’t know what he was talking about (to be fair, he had warned us, “This is just what I’ve heard, I haven’t gone myself” and gave a little laugh). To see the aquarium it was $39/person. There was a beach and aquarium deal that was $69/person and it came with lunch. We discussed it, and went with the beach and aquarium deal. We definitely did not have that much cash, so the fact that J went back to grab the credit card saved the day. We would have spent the money on the taxi for nothing. Even though I was not very happy about spending the money, it ended up being a really fun day. The aquarium was amazing and the beach was wonderful. I was surprised at the size of Atlantis; we got lost a couple times. On the beach there were chairs that had coverings (not quite umbrellas) and it really made a huge difference. The water was warm and clear. J wore his euro-shorts (it's a running joke with his bestie Brian), which made him a little self conscious, so he would speak in a fake (British? Australian?) accent. It was pretty hilarious. 

We turned in the vouchers they gave us for lunch. J went to get us tables and I brought the food over. I told him I thought it was a bad decision having the one who is clumsy (fell on my face the previous day) and slightly scared of seagulls (had one rip a churro out of my hand when I was young, those things are crazy aggressive) carry the food. We sat down and started to eat. Then the sun came out and we realized we didn’t have any shade so we should probably move.

We grabbed our bag and drinks and moved over to the next table. When I turned around, our food was covered in the seagulls who were gobbling it as quickly as they could. I yelled and ran over and Joseph let loose with a karate kick (he did not kick at seagull, he was just trying to scare it away). A portion of the fries were gone, a section of J's fish was gone, and my sandwich had little dents, but it really wasn’t too bad. We tried not to think about birds touching our food and ate it anyway (builds up the immune system). One of the employees who saw everything thought it was quite amusing and asked if J had taken karate lessons, because apparently it was a very impressive kick.

After lunch we walked and checked out more of the aquarium. Apparently it is the second largest in the world.

 After we had enough of the beach and aquarium we took a taxi back, did a little shopping, then got back on the ship to prepare for dinner. Our dinner mates were very friendly and entertaining again. Dinner was so wonderful. I never get tired of a “free” three course dinner. I made sure to save room for dessert (or three).

Wednesday – Coco Cay:

Coco Cay is an island owned by the Royal Caribbean cruise line. Thanks to the wonderful people we sat next to at dinner who had been on 13 cruises (Josh and Julia), we knew that this was the island where we wanted to snorkel. 

There were chairs and hammocks everywhere. It was wonderful. The weather was perfect and the water was warm. I was in heaven. We met up with Josh and Julia, and it was nice to have other people to talk to. Josh is definitely a high-level extrovert. He can talk to anyone.

There wasn't a place for the ship to dock right next to the island, so we had to take a smaller boat in.

Before we left on our cruise, we had bought snorkels and an underwater camera. The two other times I've gone snorkeling with J, we rented snorkels, and he swallowed too much sea water and ended up puking. So I found "dry" snorkels online - you can dive under the water and come up and still not have any water come through. They worked beautifully.

Josh was able to point out the best spots. In the first spot, we saw a stingray and I found two conch shells. The conch shells still had living things inside, so I just photographed them and then put them back. 

Because the cruise line owned the island and we had to take the small boat in, the food was brought out to the island.

In the second snorkeling area, it was much larger. The cruise line had sunk cannons and a plane. We found the cannons, but there was an alarming number of jellyfish in the water, so I didn’t seek out the plane. After the fourth time of almost running into a jellyfish and giving a little yelp, I decided I’d had enough and swam for shore.

I’m assuming those jellyfish aren’t super poisonous, because there has to be a reason people weren’t being stung like crazy. They didn't have long tentacles, so maybe that had something to do with it.

When we got back to the ship we watched the belly flop contest, which Josh won (his ninth win).

We walked around the ship and watched the water. It was a little creepy. Apparently some people take a cruise to commit suicide and jump off the side of the ship. That sounds like a horrible way to die to me. 

After dinner we went to a couple shows. The juggler was also a comedian and it was a really entertaining show.

This is a volunteer from the audience. The juggler told him to put his hands over his man parts. He said, "Don't worry, I have $1 million in insurance." Then he chuckled and said quietly, "In pesos." Then he told the volunteer that his insurance only covered "large incidents" and so his "small incident" wouldn't be covered.

He did all sorts of crazy things. In this one he's jumping rope and bouncing a ball off his head. It was quite the show.

 After the juggler there was a Battle of the Sexes game and a second game called Quest. We were sitting next to our new buddies Josh and Julie, and they wanted to play Quest, so we found another couple to make up the six required people. There had been warnings that it was an “adult” game, but I think they should have said, “If you want to play, be prepared to say goodbye to your dignity.” At one point Julie asked me, “So you guys don’t drink huh?” I think she was worried we couldn’t perform. But we put her concerns to rest. D and J don’t have to be drunk to be a little crazy.

We were given a card with our number (we were team 26) and they gave us certain tasks. The teams had to run up front and show the host that the task had been completed and show the team number. The first team received the most points and the number of points went down after that. They started off pretty easy; we had to find 5 pennies. A guy had to go up wearing lipstick. A girl had to go up wearing men’s shoes. Then it got a little harder. I had to go up and do the splits. Then the worm (another special ability I have that J was not aware of*). Then the task was to have a woman come up and show him something fake. I had to go up and show cleavage (for the record, The Ladies are not fake, no matter what J’s aunt thinks, but I got second place points). It really went downhill from there. Pants came off. Bras came off. My throat hurt from laughing and yelling.

But gosh darnit if we didn’t win.

Thursday – Key West:

The lame part of Key West was having to go through immigration. Everyone on the ship had to show their cruise card and passports. I don’t know what the point of that was, but it took forever. When we finally got off, we rented bikes and traveled around the island.

This is the farthest point South in the US. I didn't want to stand in line to take a picture next to that.

The beach was a little disappointing. I was surprised that the beach had rocky sections and the sand actually felt like mud. It just oozed around my feet. The water seemed dirty. It was nice to cool off though; it was hot and humid so I didn’t mind getting wet. 

I told J to point at this sponge man. He said, "You want me to do an HP?" I love that he knows my intentions. My friend HP (Hilary P) points in her photos and I make fun of her for it. So the tradition of teasing continues.

After the bike ride and a little shopping, we came back to the ship and took a nice nap. Our last dinner was spent telling stories about the previous night and laughing. Names were exchanged to find each other on Facebook.

After dinner we played a game similar to Family Feud (and did not win), played some bingo, did a little karaoke, and watched the comedian. We thought he was pretty good and we weren’t the only ones judging by the volume of laughter.

Friday – going home:

Josh and Julie told us we could hop on the shuttle to the rental car place. They flew out of Fort Lauderdale instead of Miami; they had found that it was cheaper to rent a car and fly out of that airport. I felt a little bad jumping on the shuttle since we weren’t renting a car, but I am also pretty cheap. We saved a good $30. We gave Josh and Julie a hug and told them we’d keep in touch, and then headed for the airport. I had a wonderful vacation but I was definitely ready to see my little fur children.

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*Posted to FB September 17th:

A few years ago J and I were driving in my truck when I started whistling along with the song on the radio. "You can whistle?!" J exclaimed in amazement. "You can't?!" I yelled back.

Tonight, we were dancing to Michael Jackson. J yelled, in the same amazed tone, "You can moonwalk?!"

"You can't?!"

I have two observations: 1) It amazing how long you can be married to someone and still discover new information. 2) Apparently my expectations for basic life skills aren't realistic.