Summertime

Here's a bit of a random blog. To get you caught up...

My sister Megan and her family came for a visit. Her four kids are so much fun.

Do you see little Bri-Bri's bandaged leg? Some unknown irresponsible auntie was pushing her on the swing and a dog bit her. Then the same auntie was pushing her again, on a different day, and she fell off. (I really couldn't help laughing, because she wasn't hurt and the way she fell was worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos.) She was telling Kristi about it later and got confused and was telling Kristi that it was Dano pushing her on the swings. I tried to encourage this, but seeing as how Dano was within earshot she made sure Bri-Bri knew my correct name. But for the next couple days Faith knew she could say, "Hey, remember when you pushed Bri-Bri off the swing?" and could get a good laugh out of me.

My sister Jen got little Brookie to make this face. It was pretty comical.

My gorgeous sister Megan and her youngest.

Austin is such a good cousin. Bri-Bri was trying to beat him up and he was just letting her.

I don't know why I didn't get any normal photos of the two oldest kids Faith and Jake, but these were cracking me up. (Yeah, that's my pogo stick and my scooter. I share my toys, just not my candy.)

My brother has separated from the Marines and is home to stay. He was stationed in NC, so for the last five years we've only seen him a couple days out of the year. It's good to have him home. My two oldest nephews are getting so big. Matt, the 15 year old, is approaching six feet tall. You should see him stand next to his mother, it's pretty comical.

I took a welding class. Not to brag or anything, but the instructor told me I was good. Which makes up for sucking at cake decorating.

And I discovered that my iPhone has emoticons. Which comes in handy for when I want to communicate at work but an IM just isn't appropriate (because they're monitored).

Oh yes, that little pile of brown stuff is just what you think it is. You can't have a proper conversation without a fart and poo emoticon. The only thing that would be better is sound effects.

The Brazilian Blowout

I've hated my hair since I was young. It's frizzy and wavy and unmanageable. Not the wavy kind of almost curly that would be pretty. It's just wrinkly.

I'm not lying, I have a photo.

This is AFTER I straightened it.

Luckily my sister Danielle works for Dolce. I had never heard of the Brazilian Blowout. She actually needed a model to do it for the first time to practice. It's a $350 treatment that I got for $40 (plus I tipped her $40). When I first signed up I was just doing her a favor so that she could get her practice out of the way and start charging real clients. But I fell in love. I now need the Brazilian treatment. Check out the after.

It lasts for 3-4 months. I can tell when the treatment starts to lose effectiveness because my hair goes back to being wrinkled. But luckily I have a hook-up.

More conversations with J

Before I tell you what he said, I have to explain that I have a few coworkers who are very gentlemanly and a few who are not. I have gotten into the habit of telling someone, "Why thank you, you earned some gentlemen points," or, "How rude, you just lost some gentlemen points." We were at lunch with a group of friends, and the subject of gentlemen points came up. J was very displeased to learn that he was pretty far behind a very gentlemanly coworker.

In bed reading, J leans over to the side and farts. Looks very pleased with himself.

J: I leaned away from you.

D: I thought you looked very smug.

J: Do I get gentlemen points?

D: For farting?
J: For leaning away from you!

****

I bought my trunk off Craigslist. The guy I bought it from said he restored trunks. When I got it home I closed the latch and it locked. I called the guy, thinking he must have a key. He told me he does not; when he first started restoring trunks he tried to match up the trunks with keys but couldn’t ever find the right size.

Great.

I tried picking the lock, but it’s not a normal pin and tumbler lock. I tried googling how to do it, but couldn’t find any instructions.

I finally googled “how to pick lock chest” instead of “how to pick lock steamer trunk” and found a YouTube video hosted by a boy. He explained that his x-box controllers had been confiscated by his parents, who were both at work, and locked in a trunk that had locks similar to mine. He then showed how to open the lock using scissors.

Brilliant.

I ran through the house (with scissors in hand), and yelled for J to share in my triumph. As I explained to him about the boy in the video, he smirked and said, "See? Who says you can't learn anything from video games?"

Conversations with J

At home, in front of the computer.
Deidre: I found something on Craigslist I want.
J: What is it?
D: This trunk.
J: A trunk?

D: Just remember that you bought poop and dirt today and I am entitled to use money from the house fund too. 

(He bought manure and peat moss for his garden. It was over $50. For dirt and poop.)

J: I'll let you buy that trunk if I can buy another tree.

(He has already bought seven. And has plans for more. I'm not going to have a backyard, I'm going to have a forest.)

D: Deal. (excited) We should high five.

J: (gives a very unenthusiastic high five, grumbles) I would have gotten the tree anyway.

At first I was indignant, but as I reflect on it, it's true. So I got something out of a situation that I wouldn't have...One of my favorite outcomes.

***

In the mall, eating pretzels, chatting away with my love.

D: You neither agreed nor disagreed. I took it for agreement.

J: I did not agree.

D: Let's make a rule going forward that if you don't answer, it is agreement.

J: OK

D: Wait, does this apply for both of us or just you?

J: (gives me a look) Both of us.

D: I move to nullify the rule.

J: (laughs) Alright.

D: This will work to my advantage. It will be ambiguous so I will just do what I want.

J: You would have anyway.

Terrified, but intrigued

I've been thinking about whether or not to post about personal topics. On one hand this is a journal of sorts; I go back and look at my old posts to remember and laugh. On the other hand, sometimes one can share too much with the world.

But seeing as how I have about five people that actually read this, I have decided to go for it. Beware that it is going to be completely honest and perhaps a bit uncomfortable.

But if you're anything like me, you will continue reading, now a bit more excited than you started.

We are such creepers.

...

Joseph lost his job. The dream job of working with a start-up company turned into a nightmare. If they hadn't fired him he would have quit. I won't go into the details since I don't really want a slander (libel? I can never keep them straight) lawsuit, but let's just say it was not a pleasant work environment.

Bummer.

The good news is that we can live on what I make. I am so thankful that we bought much less house than we qualified for. We do not have a car payment. We don't pay for TV. That being said, I feel like I make a decent amount, and after going through our budget, I don't know how people who make less than I do can live. And we don't have children. How do they pay for diapers? How do they go on vacation? Just paying for the house, auto insurance, life insurance, 401k, electricity, water, cell phones, Joseph's student loans, and all the other bills, we are barely saving $200/month. Compared to how much we were saving before, it sucks. But still I am thankful, that we are saving even that much. That we have an emergency fund built up, that we have a nice savings cushion.

I do get house envy. We just went to a birthday party and the house we went to has five bedrooms, a beautiful kitchen, a salt water pool, more closet space than I would ever need. But then I remember that I need to count my blessings. That I am very lucky to own my own home. That we have gone to a lot of trouble to paint it, switch out light fixtures, and make it ours. That J has a huge backyard for his garden and his never-ending trees. I am very blessed and I just need to remember it. Happiness doesn't come from things.

So what is J doing? He has started his own business. He is a freelance web designer. He currently has two clients. It has been awesome having him home. At first I could tell he felt a little ashamed about having lost his job. When I came home from work the house was clean, dinner was in preparation, he was eager to show me all he had accomplished throughout the day. I felt bad that he felt those negative feelings, but glad that he was being productive.

If I had come home and found out that he had played video games all day, we would have problems.

I can't wait until his business really gets off the ground. He can do anything he sets his mind to. I can't believe his former company chose to let such a talented individual go. But I won't go there.

Instead, let's talk about babies. J blames HP and her "trapper baby," the baby that is adorable and well behaved and makes the little mothering craving stir up in your chest.

But I blame J. One night I finished reading my book and turned to look at him before turning off my bedside lamp, and I couldn't stop staring at him sleeping. He is my sweetie pie. At times throughout the day, he will look at me and just smile, his eyes crinkling up, his dimple becoming more prominent as his grin stretches, and he looks at me like I am the most precious thing in the world. And I think to myself, I would love to have this man's son.

Oh yes, my mother is going to kill me. I do not want a little girl, I want a little J.

But then the fear grabs hold of my throat. Once you become a mother, you do not ever go back. It is a decision that is permanent. What if I get a terror of a child? My parents have told me enough stories about what a little brat I was. What if my little child gets sick? What if he is bullied in school? What if he has a learning disability? What if he's the cool kid and picks on the other children?

I told J that we will never have a child if we keep over-analyzing it. We need to try to have an oops baby. Yes, trying to have an oops baby is very counter-intuitive. It's my blog and my rules, so if you don't like it go cyber stalk someone else.

I change my mind daily. Hourly. By the minute. Nope, not going to have a child. The J looks over and gives me that heart-breaker smile and it melts my heart. I would love to cuddle a child with that same dimple. But then I am tired at the end of the day and I think, this would be harder with a child needing my attention.

I think I am crazy. But then I talk to people at work. People who can't wait to get away from their spouses, from their children. People who complain about the tantrum their child was throwing this morning. And I think, I am not the crazy one. Maybe the choice to have a baby will keep. I am a few years from 30, I have time. And J and I have always felt good about adopting. There is no ticking biological clock when it comes to adoption.

Sometimes I don't like kids. When they are crying. When they are not cute. Some of my friends have had some really creepy-looking babies. People tell me it's different with your own child. You feel a love you have never felt before. That's a pretty big life choice, and I don't know that I can just take your word for it. Not when in the next breathe you are telling me that you can't wait to have some quiet and get some sleep.

There is one person at work who tells me differently. When she talks about her husband and son, her face lights up. She was getting ready to move this weekend and was telling me that her mother-in-law is taking her son, and her face got cloudy as she told me how much she was going to miss him. My eyes teared up, I couldn't help it, I'm a crier. Why is there only one person at work telling me this? Why does everyone else sneer when they talk about their spouse? Sigh when they talk about the kids?

Joseph informed me that since he is working from home, the responsibilities of child-rearing would fall to him and his stay-at-home, traditional mother would give him grief. But he is also very excited about not having to wear a condom. I haven't been able to take birth control since it started making me depressed. I realize something was seriously wrong when I started googling ways to kill myself and thinking about how I needed to do it when J had a solid alibi so he didn't get convicted of my murder.

Oh yes, I am a planner. And I am also rather upset that my health care provider never once asked me how I was feeling. I had no clue about depression being a potential side effect until I read about it in Reader's Digest.

But that's not what this overall musing is about. It's about the biggest responsibility one can have in life. To welcome a child into the world, to grow the family, to experience lack of sleep, poop explosions, and spit up. To pack luggage before going out into the world because a tiny little child needs so much crap. To commit decades of your life caring for someone who came about by one 15 minute act.

I am terrified, but intrigued.

Beginning of June Randomness

We've been keeping busy.

Swimming in my mom's pool. Watching movies. Going to the library to get books. Working. Designing a graduation card for my sister. Taking the old bricks from my yard and giving them to my mom, so she can put them along her fence to keep the killer neighbor dog away from her dogs. Hanging out with friends. Missing Katelyn, and sending out positive thoughts that she does well selling in Chicago for three months.

We bought a tool chest. Which did not come with assembly instructions.

I guess they figure if you have a need for a tool chest you have enough experience and can figure it out yourself.

And I did.

We took all the curtains down and washed them (that's why you can see the window in this picture). Got rid of about 12 pounds of cat hair.

You think I'm joking.

The trick is to use the "fluff dry" setting on the dryer and not use heat. If you use heat the curtains will shrink. And they won't shrink to the same size. I learned that the hard way. I'm not going to show you though; if you ever come one I'll just hope you don't notice. Because I'm too cheap to buy new curtains. I'd rather buy a facial treatment. Or new shoes. Or pogo sticks from Goodwill.

I thought this cabinet was locked and there were no keys to unlock it. I was going to pick the lock, but first examined the locks on the other two pieces to see which way it turned and where the pins were located. It wasn't locked. There was a large metal bar securing it closed. Once the bar was removed the drawers opened. It was weird. And a manual would have helped. But like I said, I figured it out.

This picture doesn't have to do with anything, except I cracked up when I saw it.

And we visited the cutest boy in the world, HP's son. If you think J looks weird, that's because he didn't want to hold the baby. He tries to stay away from babies.

Look at his cute little feet!

And his tiny ears! What a sweet baby.

Don't Look Me in the Eye

My friend HP had her baby. Remember the blanket my Mom and I made for her (found here)? Well now she gets to use it. (I'm pretty sure that's what she's most excited about.)

I was driving to visit her in the hospital when I realized I had forgotten to stop at the corner Walgreens to get her candy. She loves Skittles and I was also going to pick up some chocolate. So I kept my eye out for a gas station, figuring I would just stop on my way there. I pulled into a Circle K, parked my truck, and walked up to the front. I passed a man and we made eye contact, so I do what I always do and smiled at him. He smiled back and said hello.

This is where I'm a little weird. I'll smile at strangers but I don't actually like talking to them. So I usually go non-verbal. When he said hello I just smiled bigger and kept walking. He decided we needed to have a conversation.

"You have the most beautiful smile!" He told me.
I couldn't ignore that, so I told him thank you. He then asked my name. I felt the corners of my smile starting to turn down; this was getting weird. I told him my name as my hand was on the door ready to pull it open, paused, continued the awkward smile, decided I was done with the exchange, and continued into the store.

I carefully made my candy selections, paid, and exited the store.

Where the man was waiting for me.

I started to walk faster and brightly told him, "Have a good night!" and tried to breeze past him.
"Deidre, right? My name is James." He held out his hand for me to shake. "Deidre you have the most beautiful smile."

Crap, this man is going to try to sell me something. Or ask me for gas money. Or pull out a weapon and force me into his car and my dead body will be found in the morning. I think I have been watching too much Criminal Minds. I bounce on my toes a little to get ready to sprint away as soon as he gives me my hand back. But then he says, "Do you have a business card or something else so that I could contact you...in the future...to continue the conversation?"

He has thrown me. Business card? He wants me to sell him something? I glance down at my outfit. I'm not wearing any sort of company label. What does he think I do for a living? And what conversation does he think we're having?

Oh wait, maybe he's asking me out. What a weird way to ask. But I am the type that needs clarification, so I ask, "You mean a date?"

He responds in the affirmative, so I hold up the diamond on my left hand, wiggle it a little for emphasis, and tell him, "I'm happily married. But thanks for the compliment." And then made my escape.

It was awkward. And weird. The whole business card thing is just throwing me.

But I got to cuddle an adorable baby boy and HP enjoyed her candy, so it was worth it.

I have decided I'm not going to look people in the eye anymore. Because happy people are already happy and don't need my little bit of sunshine anyway. Unhappy people just frown at me. And the socially awkward people take it as an opportunity to be awkward.