Love is an Action

Joseph hates going to get his oil changed. He hates sitting there and waiting. But it's also interesting that he usually has to sit there for two hours, whereas when I go, it only takes 45 minutes.

Maybe he needs to work on his karma.

So because I am the best wife ever, I take his car to get its oil changed and I sit and wait.

It's actually not a big deal. They have comfy couches and I bring a book to read. The manager Ron at the Midas on 59th and Bell is really, really nice. I got a free oil change one time just because. I really like that they check everything and tell you when your shocks need to be replaced or your tires are wearing down. I had a nail in my tire one time and I had no clue it was there. Luckily they caught it before I ended up on the side of the road with a flat.

When I was sitting waiting this Saturday, we had this text exchange:

When I got home, I discovered that he had trimmed the tree I have been asking him to trim for a few weeks now. The branches were touching our roof, which isn't a good thing. But it's also over 100 degrees outside, so I can't really blame him for not jumping up that particular chore.

I gave him a hug (not too close, he was pretty sweaty) and told him thank you. That crossed off two things from my To Do List. He knows how much I love crossing things of my never ending To Do List.

It was better than the cookies I was half expecting.

Puppy Update

Osa will be six months old in a couple weeks.

Here she is at two months. She was so tiny.

She just loves her brother Micah. He doesn't care for her, but she just wants to be near him.

I didn't want Micah to be jealous of all the toys we bought for Osa, so I gave him a bunny.

And it became Osa's favorite toy. Probably because I kept taking it away from her and trying to give it back to Micah (who didn't seem to care for it anyway...he is just an old man). Little stinkers.

One other change in the house...we now let Lilly on the table. Osa chases her, and I feel bad about that, so...I have to clean the hair off before we eat.

Osa is a fast learner. They're not allowed past that gate without permission, and they're (usually) pretty good at waiting.

We took her to get a bath and she got some pretty bows. 

She also likes to sit in front of the fridge when someone opens the door. It must cool her down.

We were going to shave her for the summer, but Joseph read online that the hair actually keeps them cool and it's not a good idea to shave chows. So she has all her hair.

She has doubled in size since we got her. I am glad, I am hoping she's a big dog.

And she has a new nickname...Chicken Licker.

She follows us around the house. At first she attacked the broom when we would sweep, but we worked with her and she is much better behaved now. She knows sit and stay, and she will stay still when I put a treat in front of her until I tell her she can have it. But she doesn't listen when she's excited. I'm trying to get her to learn "roll over" but she doesn't get it - she rolls to her back and that's it, not a full roll. 

We made an appointment for Doggy Daycare, where she can play and socialize with other dogs. I want to make sure she's very well socialized and likes all sorts of dogs and people. When we called to make an appointment, they asked if she had all of her shots. Yes, we took her three times and she got all the puppy vaccines. They had to call and check with the vet, so we gave them the vet info. Turns out the vet forgot one of the shots.

Ughhhhh. That's kind of a problem.

J was able to take her in and get the last shot. The vet did a full examination. Her adult teeth are coming in. The vet asked how she's doing with potty training. J told her that she's been potty trained for a few months now. He told me that the vet seemed surprised.

That's right, our baby dog is a genius.

Reflecting

In August I was promoted to my dream job. Working on projects, completing analysis, making recommendations for process improvements.

I'm a nerd and I like it.

After a recent meeting, I was reflecting on how much I've changed. When I was a young child, I was terrified to speak out in class. Even when I knew that I knew the correct answer, I wouldn't raise my hand. What if I was wrong? I couldn't imagine anything more embarrassing.

I felt stupid if I didn't know what my classmates were talking about, so I would pretend I did. Lie even. I cringe when I think back on my childhood years and how insecure I was.

By high school I gained a little more confidence. Not much, because I dated a few losers. In college I mostly kept to myself. Classes were so large and it was such a long drive to campus from home. The friends I hung out with were usually outside of school and closer to home. I worked most weekend nights so I really didn't get into any trouble.

Then I graduated and got my first *real* job. An underwriting position with an insurance company. And I started receiving emails that may as well have been Greek. And attended meetings where three-letter-acronyms were thrown around rice on a wedding day. I vividly remember one meeting where someone from higher up (a top dog, as I like to call them) came in and on one slide it said:
UDR
HPE
DUF

Or some other such nonsense because I didn't have a clue what it said. I silently wondered if this was some sort of test. It almost seemed like the presenter looked at me, tauntingly, for my lack of knowledge. Maybe my panic showed on my face.

I do not like feeling stupid. I worked hard. I learned the contracts, how to talk to members, how to work the systems, the different nuances between states, how to process transactions, and more. It was a member-service position so I worked individual accounts and didn't have much opportunity to do projects.

And during meetings I was quiet.

I have a vivid memory of asking a question and being laughed at. When I thought about it later I realized it was a dumb question. It was Florida-related, and I didn't fully understand the background and the hostile regulations regarding home insurance in Florida. My coworkers didn't laugh to be mean, but I didn't ask any more questions during meetings after that.

Over the years my confidence grew. The new hires would ask me questions. I became a mentor and trained new hires. I still had a problem with confrontation. It's hard telling someone they are wrong, or why a certain process needs to be updated, or presenting an argument that is contrary to the argument someone else just presented. I also have a desire to be liked by people, and I felt like a jerk if I contradicted what they said.

I was promoted a few times. It was the same position, just "leveling up." One challenge is that our home office is in San Antonio, and that's where the staff teams were located. I did not want to move to San Antonio. But I also wanted to get into a staff, project-related position and away from member contact.

Technology and our company culture advanced. My manager had part of her team in Phoenix, part in Colorado, and part in San Antonio. We attended web meetings at our desk instead of a conference room. Staff positions started opening up in Phoenix. My coworkers started getting promoted into the new staff positions.

I asked what I could do to get promoted. I needed to be "more visible." I needed to speak up in meetings. My manager informed me that I was a dream employee because I knew my job and didn't need to be micro-managed, but no one else knew what a great resource I was, or the extra efforts I did outside of my normal job function.

So with a pounding heart, I started speaking up in meetings. A few times I could feel the heat on my face. I sought feedback and tried to implement what I needed to do to get promoted. I made sure I was prepared, which helped with my confidence.

And I got my chance. Once promoted, it wasn't enough to just speak up in meetings; I had to start organizing and leading them. I had to influence people so that I could be productive. I had to present in front of leadership. I was assigned to be the lead of projects and needed to delegate and produce results. These new responsibilities created some nervous feelings, but I pushed through.

I noticed that the pounding heart started to diminish. If someone asked me a difficult question or I needed to challenge someone, my face no longer looked like a tomato. I know my stuff, and I make sure I am prepared for meetings. If I don't know the answer, I don't make up BS, I admit that I will need to research and will get back with the answer. I can tell someone I don't agree with their opinion in a nice way, and provide my rationale, and not feel like a jerk.

I'm really proud of the changes I've seen in myself. It may have taken me awhile to get to where I am, but I feel like the extra time I spent in my previous role helped better prepare me for the role I'm in now. I have a thorough understanding of all the different products and our business procedures.

I still marvel over Lexi, an old coworker who left a few years ago to be a full-time mother. That girl was fearless. She knew her stuff and wasn't afraid of anyone. She was my same age, hired six months before me, and I loved hanging out with her and soaking up her confidence. One time she told me about how her husband never brushed his teeth, and she was laughing about it. I was horrified. She kissed her husband with his dirty teeth? But it also struck me, because she didn't give a damn what I thought. It wasn't embarrassing to her. It was something that, at that stage in my life, I would have never shared, but she took that information and empowered herself. It appeared that Lexi had something that came to her naturally, when I had to fight for it.

I want to live my life in a way that I am kind to other people, but not worried about their opinions. I want to be confident but not narcissistic. I want to view criticism as a learning experience and not get defensive. I want to embrace change and continue learning. I'm sure I'll always be a work in progress, but that's ok.

Quit Reading My Mind

I swear J can read minds. Or at least my mind.

A couple days ago I was sitting on the couch, not feeling very well (period cramps make me want to die) thinking I was kind of hungry but I wasn't going to move or do anything about it. Not a minute later J turned to me and said he was going to get some Doritos and did I want some?

This scenario has played itself out in slightly different ways over the years. I will be thinking I would like some ice cream, or I'm a little bit thirsty, just to have J almost immediately turn to me and say he is going to scoop ice cream or can he get me some water. Other times it has nothing to do with food. He might tell me news that I think is stupid or irritating, or I might be making fun of someone in my head, and without my saying anything he knows exactly what I think.

I usually respond by looking at him incredulously and saying, "Quit reading my mind!" And then we laugh. Joseph's laugh sounds rather sinister.

It's kind of creepy. But useful.

Today we were leaving my Mom's house and he had a couple cookies. He put them on the console in his car. I looked at the cookies but didn't say anything.
J: I know what you're thinking.
Me: What?
J: You're thinking that's gross.
Me: HA! I was not! I was thinking those cookies are going to fall when you start driving.
J: Oh I didn't read your mind huh? *Grins*
After a second goes by
J: Orrrrrrrrr....I could have said something other than what you were thinking to throw you off and make you think I can't read your mind.
Me: THAT IS JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING!

Idaho Trip: Michael's Wedding

Joseph's brother Michael got married last weekend to his sweetheart Triska.

We flew up to Idaho Falls. It was nice and cool. I actually had to wear a sweater the whole time because it was chilly.

Joseph raced me to the hammock and jumped into it with such force that it tipped over. It was funny and sad at the same time - he's been having back pain and it definitely didn't help with that.

And yes, that is my finger in the picture. Don't know how that happened.

Joseph baptized his sister Katie while we were there. His Mom wanted the family together for that.

We got ice cream and grilled cheese sandwiches at Reid's Dairy. They are pretty tasty. You can see by how busy it is that other people agree.

Michael happens to live near my Mom's side of the family - her mom, all her brothers and sisters, etc. It was hard because I wanted to see my family, but Joseph's family flew in from FL, so trying to coordinate a time to meet was difficult. Joseph and I were able to see my Grandma and my Aunt Vickie's family, but that was it. It was nice to see them. We probably should have planned a longer trip.

We went to Yellowstone with Joseph's family. I didn't take any pictures. Probably because I wasn't that impressed with it. It's a bunch of bubbling water coming out of the ground. Old Faithful is just a bunch of water spurting out of the ground. We waited and waited to watch it, and then my reaction was, "This is it?"

The wedding was last Saturday. They did it at the park that's near the river and the waterfall. It was gorgeous. I didn't get a shot of the falls. We were really busy helping set up, then had to run home really fast to change and get ready, and it was just kind of hectic.

I was wearing my sweater and I was still freezing. 

This is Triska's side of the family. I didn't get a shot of Joseph/Michael's side because I was in it. The wedding photos won't be available for six weeks.

Triska has three kids. Two of them are teenagers so I was expecting a bit of moodiness, but all her kids were really great and a lot of fun.

Netflix

I don't watch the normal things other people do. The popular shows seem to be Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, and Breaking Bad.

It's hard when all of my friends watch these shows. They think I'm crazy for not wanting to watch them. I "have to" watch them because they're just "so good." When we are hanging out in a group and someone brings these shows up, I am left out of the conversation.

But it's just not my thing. I have no interest in explicitly sexual scenes, zombies, or a man selling meth because he has cancer (where did that idea come from anyway?).

So I get on Netflix and watch other things (and think about how I should probably be working out). Although my show selections aren't any less strange. I watch documentaries about people who have been stalked. I like "Switched at Birth" which is about these two teenage girls who found out (of course) that they were switched at birth - and one of them is deaf, so it has ASL, which is really cool. I like to watch space documentaries. Raising Hope is a nice little light-hearted comedy. English shows like Call the Midwife and Doc Martin. I really love Mythbusters. Fatal Attractions, which is about people who kept deadly pets (and died as a result).

My latest has been Alaska: The Last Frontier. I started watching the first show thinking I would stop if it didn't look interesting. It focuses on the Kilcher family, who have a 600 acre homestead. They live the life of pioneers. There is no indoor plumbing, so they use outhouses (this Phoenix girl is having a really hard time imaging that in freezing cold weather...or any weather really). They have a small summer window, which is four months but can be shorter, to prepare for a very harsh winter. When I first started watching the show my first reaction was that it was just a bunch of poor hicks (who chooses a lifestyle with outhouses?). But as the show went on (yes, I watched the whole season in about two days) I really came to respect the family. They know how to do SO MUCH. Tracking animals, skinning the hunted animals, preserving the meat properly so they don't get botulism, rebuilding broken heavy machinery, building their own structures, chopping enough wood for eight months of winter, protecting cattle from predators, building fences, growing and harvesting hay and a garden...it's so much. It's not anything I could do. And how the heck do they not get lost in a snowy forest that is covered in snow?

I did an online search to do a little more stalking research since this family had piqued my curiosity, and I discovered something interesting. Jewel, the famous singer, belongs to this family. Her father and brother are two of the main characters. She and her father sing the opening song for the show. (It's mostly her father, she only sings a couple lines, otherwise I should have recognized her distinguishable voice).

I hope Netflix gets the rest of the season. Or I'll see about watching them online. Maybe J and I can take a trip up there and learn how to Homestead. Hahahahaha....yeah right. This city girl doesn't even like camping. But I still like learning about this different way of living. And it sure makes me appreciate my toilet and shower.

Long Hair

I watched this show on Netflix about stalkers. It's creepily interesting because I don't understand stalkers. They must be mentally ill. If you really cared about someone, why would you try to hurt that person? There was an episode where a woman made friends with her next door neighbor, and the neighbor started acting weird. The stalker started mimicking the way the first woman dressed, cut and dyed her hair the same way, and started following her everywhere.

I was joking with my friend Deni that I was stalking her. That I was going to cut bangs like hers and dress like her.

The problem is that once I brought it up, I started thinking it might be a good idea (cutting my bangs, not stalking her). I've become attached to my long hair. Sometimes I get bored and think about cutting it. But I am pretty sure I'd be upset if I did. So what else can you do but try to change things up a bit? Bangs might be good.

So I had my hairstylist (who is also my sister) cut my bangs. And I tried to not look creepy when I saw Deni at work.

She laughed, so I think things are ok.

A couple weeks later, she was telling me a story about this girl who asked her where she got her jeans. Then the girl asked where Deni got her hair colored. I was joking with Deni and said maybe that girl would start stalking her.

"Maybe she's going to buy your jeans and cut her hair like yours. Cut some Deni bangs." I brushed my hand through my bangs in a big show-offy way, smirked, and said, "Pfft, who does that."